I’m a recovering perfectionist. I tend to be highly self-critical, I procrastinate—waiting for things to be just right, and I set very high standards for myself. I remember my good friend (who also happens to be an amazing therapist) told me that perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes. That resonated with me. We perfectionists sometimes see our high expectations as a good thing, and while there can be some benefits, overall, it stems from fear and it’s holding us back.

I think my perfectionism stems from childhood. Always feeling like I had to be perfect. It’s not that my parents ever directly said that to me, but it was something that was unspoken and subconscious. I wanted praise. However, I don’t believe being a perfectionism is my true nature. I like to be laid back. Yet, as I grew up, it became almost like a mask, especially in my competitive industry. The issue is that these high standards kept me from taking risks. They also didn’t allow me to appreciate all the things I was doing because I would focus on the things I wasn’t accomplishing.

Becoming a parent has helped me push back on my perfectionist tendencies. I saw how imposing my expectations onto my children was affecting them. Having high expectations for your kids often leads to disappointment and resentment. Children don’t operate like that and they shouldn’t have to. It became clear that to live a more fulfilling life and to be a supportive parent, I would need to learn to enjoy the ride, not control it. I took this idea and applied it to all areas of my life. It isn’t always easy, but it’s freeing!

Do you struggle with perfectionism? Is so, here are some ways to let it go. 

Do Your Best and Ignore the Rest

Remind yourself of this saying all the time. Whether it’s with house cleaning, being a working parent, a project at work…all you can do is your best. You can’t do it all and you for sure can’t do it perfectly. There are always going to be areas where you’re struggling. As long as you can remember to try your best and to enjoy the process, that is all you have control over.

Enjoy the Ride

Life is too short to always be critical and unhappy. You’ve got to enjoy the ride. Who cares if you didn’t make the perfect chocolate chip cookies. Did you have fun? Were you creative? Focus on the things you enjoyed and let go of the expectations. Many times, if you go into something without the high expectation and remind yourself it’s more about the journey, you will find things will work out just fine.

Stop Comparing

The saying, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” is so dang true. Especially in this highlight reel world of social media. It can be super difficult not to fret about being perfect when everyone looks like they live a perfect life. It’s important to remember that we all feel this way and that what you perceive from seeing everyone else isn’t likely the truth. Stop judging yourself by comparison. Put on your blinders and get focused.

Know Your Values

We talk about values a lot, but that’s because they are so freaking important. If you set core values for things, they can become your compass and help you avoid those crazy expectations that may start to seep in. You can do this for all areas in your life and post them up around your home to remind yourself of what truly matters to you.

Photography by Emily Scott