It’s ironic that I’m writing this post while also being so busy that every hour of my day is mapped out (check out my current schedule). When we planned this post in our editorial calendar, I thought it would be interesting to share how my relationship with busyness has changed over the years. Now that we’re in the throws of a global pandemic, it seems that busyness is something entirely different. It feels as though time (and the future) are at a standstill.
It’s a strange, strange time. Everyone is in a totally unique situation. Some people have a lot of free time on their hands and some have hardly any free time. There’s really no better or worse situation. It’s just different. I think it’s important to keep that in mind while reading this post. This is an overarching issue I’ve been facing for a few years. It really has no merit during a time of crisis, but I still wanted to share it with you.
Busy is the new normal
Busy has become the new normal. It’s become a status symbol. The busier you are, the more important you are. I know that I fell victim to this way of thinking for years. The notion that a packed schedule with no leisure time equals a gold star is baffling. That the harder you work now the bigger your payoff will be in the future. The issue is, no one is guaranteed a future. That seems even more evident in our current times. The future is not something we can rely on. As tragic as that is.
For me, being productive runs in the family. The women in my family suffer from chronic busyness. I remember as a child, I never saw my grandmother sit. Likewise, my mother is practically allergic to laziness. She is literally always doing something: paperwork, gardening, caretaking, remodeling, etc. Being productive and busy is her way of life. Not surprisingly, my sister and I both love to be busy.
When I started my own business, this affliction worsened. Young women business owners are like the stars of the “Busyness As a Badge” show. This isn’t a putdown, it is what our culture has created. Platforms like Facebook and Instagram are big culprits in this. There is this feeling that if you’re not always busy, you’re not successful enough. I’ve written about this many times, but having my first child really changed things for me. My addiction to being productive with work was butting heads against being present with my daughter. She was struggling behaviorally and I knew something had to give. Plus, I felt frazzled and depleted. Life felt like it was passing me by.
Making a change
My relationship to busyness is always adapting. It’s taken me years to get comfortable with practicing presence and allowing for more leisurely activities. I’m aware this is not a priority for everyone. I also realize it may not be possible depending on your situation. You may have to stay super busy to support your family or because you truly love it!
I knew a slower lifestyle was what I wanted and I was willing to make drastic changes to make it happen. The first thing was to evaluate all the things I had in my calendar that I could let go of. I stopped doing as many networking events, I kept my kids’ extracurricular activities to a minimum and I batched my work into schedules. I worked with my team and reduced busywork that wasn’t serving us. I stopped working in the evenings and on the weekends. To be totally honest, my work has changed. There are a lot of people out there hustling and if you choose to slow down, things may end up looking different. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. It means you are prioritizing something else. I had to be comfortable with the possibility of less accolades with my career in order to fulfill other areas of my life. Maybe some people can have it all, but for me, it hasn’t worked out that way.
The slow life
I’m still busier than I want to be. I also crave throwing myself into a new creative project and being completely enthralled. That was the beauty of the previous chapters of my career. I was young, without children and had started my dream business. I was perfectly happy being swallowed whole by it. But now I’m in a new chapter. I want to look back at this time and see our long leisurely bike rides, sitting in the grass admiring a ladybug, reading in the shade while my kids play in the dirt. I hope my family will remember me being right there, next to them, listening and watching.
