I’m a highly sensitive, introverted person. I’ve been this way my whole life, but I wasn’t always so self-aware. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s from having a much older sister, which meant I was often alone without someone to play with. I became used to quiet time in my room, daydreaming and generally being in my own head. However, I suspect it’s my true nature. In high school, my friends would make comments about my ability to say ‘no’ to parties (and often I thought I was weird for not wanting to go). Even now my husband likes to joke about how I can only handle one activity a weekend. It takes a lot out of me. There can be a lot of shame and guilt associated with being a sensitive introvert. I’ve had to embrace that this is who I am and that means I need time to myself.

Shortly after my daughter was born, I started to feel terrible. I was exhausted, anxious and ashamed. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t enjoying motherhood as much as some of my friends or how society had told me to. I wasn’t exactly depressed, but I felt overwhelmed and like a failure. Tears were a daily occurrence. After some self-reflection, I started to think about my life before becoming a mother. I had created a career and schedule that included a lot of alone time. Now that I had a child to look after, I was juggling work and raising her. I only took a month or so off work and even with that, I was still checking in. My business was my baby before her and I didn’t want to let go of that. I decided to keep her home while I went back to work. Squeezing in emails, calls and projects while she napped or played happily by herself.

Except this didn’t go as smoothly as I had anticipated. I read so many stories of women choosing to keep their babies home with them while they juggled work. It seemed ideal. Why couldn’t I handle it? Looking back, there were so many factors that contributed to my stress at that time. Motherhood is amazing and I was so happy to be a mom. However, it was a shock to my system. I had a difficult recovery from labor, my daughter had colic and was fussier than I’d expected. As she got older, I discovered that she also was highly sensitive. In a lot of ways that was great because we’re so similar, but it also means we can easily trigger each other. Even with all of these factors, I know my introversion was a huge factor.

I was getting zero alone time. My only breaks where when she napped. During that hour window, I would rush to eat, shower and squeeze in any work I could. I felt guilty that I was the boss and yet had no time for my team. Sometimes she would skip naps and then I would be frustrated that I couldn’t work and didn’t get a break. I also wasn’t getting enough sleep or exercise, which exasperated my exhaustion. The worst part was that I hated feeling frustrated with her. It wasn’t her fault. This was about ME.

I was relieved when I put the pieces together about my introverted needs. Sure, most moms are exhausted, but we need different things to help us feel replenished, and for me, it’s alone time. I felt empowered by this realization and told my family what I needed. The first step was getting more childcare. I was really nervous and felt guilty to take this step, but I eased into it. Slowly I added more and more care into our week. Now I had dedicated time to work and could carve out pockets of time just for me. It wasn’t selfish, it was survival.

I became a much happier mom. I felt more connected and present with my daughter. I didn’t feel riddled with guilt every time I missed work or wasn’t spending as much time with her because I had found a way to create space for both of them. It was still hectic and sometimes difficult, but in a different way than before. Even now, with my kids in school during the week, I spend a lot of time home alone working. Even though this is my ideal way to work, it still means I’m working. I have to be conscious of self-care. I tell my husband that I need 10 minutes to go on a walk or that I need an extra-long shower. These small moments help me maintain a charged battery so that I can be a happier, healthier partner and mom.