When I first started going to therapy each week, I explained to my therapist that nothing bad had happened to me recently, but I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because I just knew too many people in my inner circle who had experienced devastating losses and heartbreak, it surely had to be my turn soon, right? And that was before all of the COVID stuff hit! I don’t think you’d find anyone out there who’d describe our current season as “easy.” Whether you’re struggling emotionally, financially or physically, it can be hard to find the purpose of it all. After a lot of work with my therapist, I’m past the “waiting for the other shoe to drop” mentality, and along the way I really found a way to reframe negativity and unfortunate circumstances. If you’re struggling with finding your purpose right now or any time when times are hard, I want to share some of the tips and exercises that can help guide you through it.

Turn to your values

I’m a die-hard believer in core values. I fully believe they should be the guiding principle of everything you do, say and think. If they aren’t, then they aren’t truly your core values. Whether they’re based in your personal religion, spirituality or just what you feel as a human, values are the root of everything. Values are the essence of who we are. Values are the principles that push you to make a worthy contribution to this life. If your own personal values are unclear or not identified, it will be difficult to plan and effectively create or achieve the life you want. You will be purposeless. When you can identify your values and make choices that align with them, life suddenly becomes a little more purposeful. But when you’re running on autopilot and not allowing your values to coincide with your choices, you can find yourself becoming incredibly unhappy, and feeling lost.

Think about the things that matter

My husband will tell you I am a gratitude nut, which is really funny because I used to be a fairly pessimistic person. But I worked really, really hard with my therapist on rewiring the way I viewed the world and reframing negative thoughts and emotions. At the end of the day, gratitude will save your life. When you’re struggling to find your purpose, think about the things and people that matter. Your family or chosen family. Your partner. Your passion. Your beliefs. These are things that matter at the end of the day. 

“Being grateful does not mean that everything is necessarily good. It just means that you can accept it as a gift.” ― Roy T. Bennett

Once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.

Ask yourself how you want to be perceived

I have a guided journal I use each day and one of the questions it asks is, “How do you want others to experience you tomorrow?” And for awhile that question stumped me. Because you don’t want to use blanket, beige terms like “kind” or “nice.” Those to me are a given. Think of it this way: If you were going to die a year from today, how would you want to be remembered? I know it may sound a tad morbid, but stick with me. Most of us don’t like thinking about death. It freaks us out, trust me, I’m with you. But thinking about our own death surprisingly has a lot of practical advantages. One of those advantages is that it forces us to zero in on what’s actually important in our lives and what’s just frivolous and distracting. Ultimately, death is the only thing that gives us perspective on the value of our lives. Because it’s only by imagining your non-existence that you can get a sense of what is most important about your existence. What is your legacy going to be? What are the stories people are going to tell when you’re gone? This ties a bit back into the daily question of, “How do I want people to view me today?” but helps you kind of see the big picture. Again, not to sound morbid, but we get too caught up in the day-to-day and we forget we aren’t invincible. There’s no time to waste. Like one of my favorite Mary Oliver quotes says, 

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do

With your one wild and precious life?”